Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im holly from the hills drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
