i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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