there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
