Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
