you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
