2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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