I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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