They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
