Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
