Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
