So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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