thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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