So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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