Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
