Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
