I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
