OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
