When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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