but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
