There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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