and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
