I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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