I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
