If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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