dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My penis needs a shock collar
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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