I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize