you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize