Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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