dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
