I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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