You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
