Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
