Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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