I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
