margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
