Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
