I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize