today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had sex on a roof
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
