You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
