i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
