So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
