I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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