Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I just sharted jello shots
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