So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
