Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
