We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
