I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
