I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
