That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
