just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
