shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
