it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
