I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
