Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
