Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
