I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
