i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
