so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
