This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
