Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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