Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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