got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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