His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
