so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
