My friends, they love my intelligence
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
