I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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