If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
