Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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