If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
