Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
