dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
