Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
