I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
