If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
