There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
