you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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