Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
