Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize