direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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