First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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