Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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