Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
